Movement on Mars

I am writing. I am writing, writing, writing. I figured out what was making my novel move like gum stuck to the rubber sole of my shoe, and I am writing. And it feels good.

I have a new outline one that is fast paced, one that is based off of a strong foundation of research and preparation. I know my characters like I know my best friends. I know what sets them off, what gets them riled up, how they will react to good news and bad.

More importantly I am about to tell a story that is mine and mine alone. Uniquely mine and I believe that there is an audience for it. That people will find my book interesting, and wonder why no one has ever come up with the world that I have come up with.

Writing this novel is like sharing my imaginary friends with hundreds of new friends. I have lived in this world for so long. I am about to jump head first into a mad rush of typing just to tell the story, the whole story, to a friend who is dying of cancer. Ok there is no friend that is dying of cancer, but that is what it feels like. Someone once described a short story to me as, "The Moment". It is the one story you have to share before you die. The most important moment of that characters life, the moment everything changes.

I suppose that is the critical element in a story. The character has to go through a change. On their journey from point a to point z several things happen. And just like a 40 year old adult in therapy, every single event that takes place in life shapes and molds a person. It either kills a small part of them, makes them a little more bitter, a little more cynical, or it gives them more faith, more confidence, more hope.

I got some good advice this weekend. And I had a lot of people who simply pointed me in the right direction. People who took my hand turned me a few degrees to the right and said, this way. Here is where you want to go, this is what you were looking for. I was close, I was on the right road, just missed the last turn, that's all.

I was also reminded of the power of belief. I got to see how far I have come in the last year, and I came to realize that no matter how impossible my dream of becoming a writer might seem to some, it is inevitable to me. This is what I was meant to do. I feel at home when I am with writers, when I am talking about writers. I get lost in it. I can go 12 hours without eating. I can go 24 hours without sleep. I can get lost in the writing, in the story, in the message. Is it exhausting? Yes. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. Because there is nothing better than putting the final staple in a short story, or the binder clip around 200 pages of manuscript. There is nothing better than looking at a stack of crisp white clean pages with rows of black text and knowing that this, this is the story you've been dying to tell. And though it hasn't happened I live for the moment when the first stranger will come to me and say this book, this novel, I couldn't put it down. I couldn't stop reading, and I loved it all. And for every 10 people that hate it, if one person fell absolutely in love with it I will be happy.

OK. I am going to go back to writing now. I have a few chapters to rewrite so that I can post them to my writing group. I want it posted before the end of the week.


Part of me wants to stay here forever, part of me is resenting the moment when someone will come and rip it all away. Not intentionally, it is a weird kind of thing to describe, but just by being, they are taking away. Their presence overwhelms my sense of self. Walls come back up, intentional or unintentional, and it's like I forget how to breathe.

So I kind of want to savor this moment, this weekend, the things I learned, the people I met, the side of me I discovered. I want to bask in the glow for a while before reality slams into me like a freight train. I am not ready to deal with other peoples problems, be it work, or personal, and because I do care, and I don't want to offend them, I think I am just going to stick to myself for a couple more days.

hmmmm. Yeah, I am not going to say anymore. Silence is such a wonderful thing.


That's what this week has been like. I feel like banging my head against the wall until the pain stops. I wish I could fall for an eternity, with no strings, no voices, nothing to hold onto, no one to pull me back to reality, away from the things that mean the most to me. I'm tired of dealing with people that think they are the only ones with problems in the world. That they are the only ones that get to bitch and gripe about how miserable life is, and how crappy their day was. Sometimes I can be the supportive ear, sometimes I can sympathize and if at all possible I will try to take a little bit off their plate. But not this week. Right now all I want is to have my own freakin breakdown. For once I want people to look at me and say, gee this is really getting to you. You aren't just a little stressed, something is really f*in going on here. And if people can't do that, if they can't see that I am in need of a serious mental and emotional breakdown, that I need to be secluded from life for 24 to 46 hours, that I need to recharge and find out who the hell I am and where the hell I went, then I don't want to see them and I don't want to be around them because it is just one more thing for me to deal with.

And I just don't have the strength.

That being said, my writing life is stuck in neutral. I gotta figure out how to switch gears before I crash and burn.

So much for posting three days in a row. But hey, I actually got a post in. And on a weekday no less. Amazing.

Life was so much easier when I wasn't doing anything at work and I could update my blog regularly.

Sop my writing is finally back on track. It is crazy, but I really have been in this sort of funk. And I know you are probably tired of hearing me say this, because I have probably said it before, that now I am ready and pumped and my writing is back to where it once was. But honestly that would be a lie. Even when I wasn't working my writing outcomes were low. I just wasn't as productive as I wanted to be. For me, it seems to be a matter of discipline. I sit down to write and I get to something that is complicated and it is much easier to decide to do something else. It is so easy to walk away.

And now that my schedule is kind of insane and my freetime is limited I feel like something has to sacrifice and I don't know what that something should be. If I am writing, I can't read, I can't exercise I can't go hang out with friends, I can't date, and all the times I am doing those other things, All I think about it I could have been writing.

OK not all the time. For a while I lose track and actually enjoy myself and whatever I am doing. But reading for example. Everytime I pick up a book, I think, you should be writing not reading. You'll never sell a book if you don't finish the manuscript. I am beginning to understand why people lock themselves a way in log cabins with nothing but a typewriter. It is hard. There are so many distractions. So many reasons to walk away. And it really frustrates me that I can't enjoy a good book anymore. I feel like until I get this stupid draft done, I need to work on it. And yet there are so many good books that I want to read. My list just keeps on growing longer. Even books from my favorite authors books I would have read in less than a week. It has taken months to read. And finally I get to a point where I can get lost in the story, which is my favorite part, and it takes so long now to get to that point.

But I am grateful for my writing group I say it all the time. But the last meeting really got me motivated. Especially since another writer is battling with the same thing. I think that I am the type of person that needs deadlines. External deadlines. Like a grant. I know it is due in two weeks. I have to kick it up a notch and the adrenaline starts going and I can crank that sucker out. But without that deadline without that goal, I flounder. I flop around like a wet fish trying to find its way back to sea. Don't let me be the floppy wet fish anymore!

Hmm maybe I should set a goal to be done with a complete draft of the manuscript the the Columbus writers conference in August. I think that is reasonable. I have an outline and the group is reviewing the first two chapters for the June meeting.

ok I am on the verge of rambling. Verge you say? Yeah right. All I do on here is ramble.

So g'night. Peace Out.
Look at this. A post two days in a row! Think I can do three?

So I am finally starting to get pumped up. I mean really pumped up. I think it finally hit me that in the next two months I am going to be doing totally awesome wickedly cool things. I mean it. In less than two weeks I will get to see Laurell again. (Shut Up!). No I am totally serious. And not just for one day. Oh no. For three. Three fun filled Days with Access to Laurell. (Stop it!). lol. But I mean really, what is the likelyhood of her running around actually talking to people versus acting like some worn down celeb. I mean I get it. There are going to be tons of people there, just to see her. and whopee. She has the right to want a little privacy. But I mean, you have to treat your fans well. Just like if you're the boss you treat your employees well. They are an extremely critical part of the process. Highly crucial element in determining your success.

So do you think that I will get stuck on the elevator with her and actually get the chance to say hi, like I did with Catherine Asaro. Highly unlikely. I am sure she will have her own mini enterage with her. Is that you spell that? It must be a french word. Darn french. Always spelling things as differently as possible from the way they are pronounced.

So anyway... speaking of France. I decided yesterday that I am going to save up some money once I start living of of a full time salary, and go to Europe. There are a few places I want to hit. France again, isn't really on the list. But it could be added if someone wanted to persuade me to swing by. I want to travel in Italy. I want to see Ireland, and the Big G.B. Maybe spend a little time in Spain. But my biggest desire is Italy and Ireland. I have wanted to go to Italy for about two and a half years now. And gosh darnit I am finnaly going to go. Who's with me? (We could take the Harry Potter Tour, lol. Visit all the site locations for the films..!) Fans are allowed to come too. lol. I will travel with a fan.

Start savin now.
So the program I am using to do this blog changed. I would like to say that is the reason that I have not posted in a while. That the technology is in a period of transition and I there are still a few kinks that have prevented me from blogging. Is that a word? Blogging? Anyway. That isn't the truth. The truth is I am too damn busy. For the blog, not for you. I am 23 and I already need a personal assistant.

So, my life is not about to slow down anytime soon. Not before July, and even then, probably September is more realistic. But I can't keep making excuses. I just need to be grateful that I have a life to keep me busy. That I am blessed with a job that I like, and a family who most of the time cares, and friends, friends who would move mountains to make my day just a little bit brighter. I would be nothing without my friends.

So I promise that I will have something published by the end of this year lol. I have two or three short stories, that I am feeling pretty good about. The deal is I was told to submit them to the top dogs first, and I don't know if I like that. I don't have any illusions about the superiority of my pieces. So I sometimes feel that submitting them to the big prestigious markets is a waste of time. I could send it straight to the little fish who are more likely to take it anyway.

What else do I need to say. Hey you know if I get a story sold then can I get a fan club? I really want a fan club. Does the founder get to be the president?

Ok so I have sooo much to do. I need to keep working on HP3 Party. I need to review 4 stories, I need to revise the first three chapters of my own novel to submit next week AND I have a story to mail out and two others to finish. Getting all that done this month, let alone week, is pushing it. But that is going to be my goal. I gotta speed up my writing process. I think it's about time I kick it up a notch.

Peace out.
omg. I am so sorry to all those dedicated readers out there who have been tuning in since april 19th looking for updates to my blog. Two things have prevented me from doing that. My job and my computer.

I have worked 50 plus hours for the last two weeks and my schedule has been extremely out of whack because of that. Plus my laptop has been very temperamental. Can I tell you, I have been having nightmares about the Dell guy. Dude you're getting a Dell is the last thing I want to hear right now. But I can't lay all the blame on Dell. I hate Microsoft too.

So other than that I am steadily chugging along. I need to get another computer badly. My printer broke two weeks ago. So this weekend I bought a printer for $1. Yes I said $1, although technically it was less than that because it was buck a bag and I also had the Norton Anthology of American Literature, and three extension cords in the bag. The best thing... It actually works. Yes it is slow, extremely slow. But it works. I've been doing a lot of research and have wanted to get a new printer so I am going to start saving for a laser printer now. I had one at OU. They were nice. Well I am more concerned with speed, since if you have ever tried to print of 250 pages you know how painful this can be. Especially when you have to keep running into the room to refill the paper tray before the printer times out. And as much as I love color. It is not a necessity.

Hmm. Am I rambling?

So there is a lion loose in Gahanna. I kid you not. My alarm went off this morning and at that precise moment that the dj said, "If you went to bed early last night" hmm 8 is early right? "then here is the breaking news. A lion is loose in Gahanna. I kid you not." Now this is 5:55 in the morning, I burst out laughing and almost fall out of the bed trying to keep from waking everyone else in the house up. To give the story an extra twist, the gahanna high school mascot is the lion, and while searching for the lion they stumbled across a rather ugly looking coyote.

OK well I am tired, I am going to go work on the HP3 Party Plans. I gotta get these invites out.