Blog Damnit!

Ask and ye shall recieve.

Why is it so easy for me to put other things ahead of my writing. I had the whole day off and do you know how much writing I actually got done? None. Zero. Zip. Instead I did a load of laundry, baught a clothes hamper, went shopping for fabric, made an extravagant and new recipie for dinner, reorganized my bookshelf, rented movies at the library, played a computer game, consoled my only half sick sister, made a list of things to buy for my apartment, AND watched the democratic convention. But no writing. Actually this is the closest thing to writing that I have come to.

Hmm.  A case of writer's block? Yes. Fear of failure? Yes.  Too much of a perfectionist? Yes. All of the above. And instead of facing that, learning how to work around it, it is so much easier to just do something else. Something easy.

Despite that I still feel that I am well on my way.  There have been a lot of changes in the past year. And a lot of discoveries in the past two or three months.  I have learned more about what I want, and I have made progress towards getting those goals.  I am hopeful that I will see those goals fulfilled.  Financially, physically, career wise, it may have taken longer than expected, I may have had to step off the traditional path, but I can finally see the finish line.  I am in the home stretch.

That being said, I will sign off with a quote from the Alive's Best of Columbus Issue, "Best place to have illicit sex that, while initially pretty gross, will eventually offer fond memories, assuming you pass the Ensuing STD tests...over the broken air conditioner in the alley behind bernies!!! Nuff said.

Jib Jab


Can I say that one more time. Oh hey, look my toolbar changed. The whole post format is different. When did that happen?  Guess I should have been writing more in my blog.

Sorry about that. Like I said, my personal life kind of shifted into high gear. Hopefully after today I will be able to slide back into neutral or at least flip on cruise control and maintain a steady pace. I miss writing, and I haven't had much time to write. And I miss all my blogger friends. It is every comforting to be able to post on a blog. I encourage everyone to try it. Ok not really. I don't want you to stop reading mine!

I do have a little question to put out there though. Maybe this is completely normal, and I am not the only one who experiences it, but for those of you who actually write, do you find that other authors motivate you to write? Not in the traditional manner. But for me, the other day I was wondering around in the library and ran across this book that looks like I could have written it. It has all the elements of a great story. But every time I go to read it, I panic, because I am afraid it is my story. I think oh my god this is one more person I have to compete with. This is one more author who got published, and one less publisher who will show interest in my stuff. Ok so maybe that isn't entirely true, but I look at it and think, man I really have to speed up my writing process if I want a shot at this.

But maybe that is good swift kick in the butt I need.

Last night I got some good writing done. Again, the first time in a while. It's so weird. Sometimes the characters are stubborn, and I'll be honest, maybe I am too tired to give them the proper encouragement, lol., but still some days it's just a lot harder. I am thankful for the days when it isn't hard.  When it's like writing about your best friend and the stories you shared over drinks in the bar.

Ironically enough it seems I have the most trouble capturing emotion. Which is ironic because I am a highly emotional person (in a good way. I'm not neurotic). I just give a lot of weight to the emotional state of things, I encourage people to listen to their hearts, follow their instincts...blah blah blah,  So it is weird that of all things, I have the toughest time getting my characters emotions on the page.

OK I am really rambling here. Check out the This Land cartoon. I love that.

Peace out.

Everything's bigger in Texas

Sorry. It's been a while since you've heard from me. I just returned from a week in Texas. It was business, trust me. Next to maybe, alaska, there is no other state i would rather avoid. Although, even alaska had temperatures in the high sixties last week. It was looking pretty promising from 100 plus Dallas.

And now I am back from that bizarre place. And thrilled. But once again I am stuck writing. i am upset because I wrote the beginning of this chapter, and now I can't find it. I have a hunch that it is on a computer disk, unfortunately it won't load now, on my computer. Great. Now I need to rewrite it. And I am struggling, because I liked what I had and I can't get that back.

Then I went to the library, found a new book, that is sort of on my topic, and as always I freaked out, because I think, great one more book that people will compare me to. Or that could have been my novel. I get scared that someone else is going to write my story. Ironically it just puts more pressure on me, and make it harder to write.

So that is my life. Plus I have a had a lot of distractions both at work, and in my personal life. Writing is still a priority, of course, but I had to shift gears a little bit. Anyway. I'll get there. It's just going to take time.

So it's almost my year anniversary. If only I could get a completed draft of this stupid manuscript. I would feel a little better about it. I have got to go to work now.


Life's little choices...

It's funny. The older I get, the more confident in myself I become. I can see why they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. You learn all about yourself from difference experiences, you learn to expect specific outcomes from certain situations. Me, I've learned to trust my gut instincts.

Over the last five years it is amazing how independent I have become. Well I understand that part of this is because I am at the point in my life when you become independent. Going off to college, starting your first fulltime job, these are things that are supposed to happen at my age. But it's more than just paying my own bills, or doing laundry, or choosing an apartment. I have really learned how to stop letting other people make decisions for me. Now when I talk to people about things, I do it with a concrete decision in my mind. Sure I will listen to someone else's opinion. It might even allow me to think of new things that I didn't consider. But I know that if I change my mind, it isn't because someone wasn't happy with my decision. It was because it wasn't the right decision for me at the time.

I guess you can probably tell that I have been making a lot of major decisions. I have. But I've always been overly cautious about things. I have never been the type of person to just make a major decision on impulse. Hell I do very little on Impulse. I have to be mentally and emotionally prepared. I know that bugs a lot of people crazy. I'm not saying I don't like to go out and have fun. I just like to plan things out. I like to understand the pros and cons.

Anyway, I am veering off track here. I can give a quick writing update. I haven't really written much of anything yet. I took a break to read two books. It's funny because I find that I am learning a lot about writing styles and techniques of my favorite authors. I have one more book to read, which coincidentally has to do with a central theme in my own book, and once I get this second chapter revised, I will start back on the short story. I've got a busy few weeks ahead of me. But oh well. I did say that I like to be busy.