The power of music never ceases to amaze me. I am sitting here in my room, because eventhough I have a laptop, it ironically is not mobile, and so if I wish to anything I am chained to this space like a dog on a leash. there can be no escape. Unless of course I am desperate enough to chew off my own leg...but that is from another story.



So music. It makes a huge difference in our lives, which is why I love it so much. I can hear a song from ten years ago, and still know all the words. Not only that but I can tell you where I was the last time I heard it. I can get flashbacks so vividly that it I swear it is the next best thing to a time machine. I don't get the same reaction to photographs. Yet for some reason when I read a story, or watch a movie, they usually use the old photograps to signal a flashback. Maybe because with music it usually is a surprise. I am flipping through the radio, I am at a bar with friends and suddenly a song comes on that I haven't thought of in years and I am immediately transported to that moment. Then there are other songs, songs that I have shared with other people. Like Bell Bottom Blues, Three Libras, and Untuchable Face. There are songs that I have associated with specia moments in my life, like The Prayer, All My Life, To where you are....anyway the point is music is so powerful and I was reminded of that when I sat down at my computer and turned on my cd player. It holds five disks and one of them happened to be a cd a friend burned for me. Not really the kind of music I go out of my way to hear, and yet I love it. It is so much fun and as it started playing my whole mood shifted. I don't know if it is because I started thinking about the person who gave it to me or if I really like the song, but I was reminded none the less.



Wow, that was a lot and I haven't even started on what I signed on to talk about!



I have a wg meeting today. I reviewed the pieces this morning at Carabu Coffee. I swear. There are days, when I feel like it is useless. I ask myself am I really getting anywhere. I have to force myself to sit at the computer and sometimes even getting one or two pages completed is a challenge. On those days I think,"What am I doing with my life?". It would be so much easier if I chose a different career path. And yes there are some things that I really enjoy and probably would be good at. But what I keep asking myself, and what I already know the answer to, is would I be happy?



NO. Not entirely. Writing is in my blood. As cliche as that is. It is a part of me, like breathing. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I think that I can turn away from it and still exist. Like a child trying to see how long they can hold their head underwater. You go the first ten or twenty counts just fine. But then something deep inside you begins to burn. Your body begins to resist your brain. Your muscles spasm and jerk and you litterally flail around in the water trying to fight what your body wants and needs to do.



In the Finding Your Own North Star book, and in What Should I Do with My Life? by Po Bronson, you read about people like this. Dozens of people who are holding their heads underwater, trying not to breath, fighting what is natural. I think the great thing about people is that we are so diverse. So different. And everyone is good at something. I believe there is something out there for everyone. Personally I would say, dentist, who the hell wants to be a dentist. But there are people who love that stuff live for it actually. And it is a good thing too.



So with this many opportunities, particularly in a country like the United States why do we have so many people settling to do things that they don't really want to do? The great thing about my friends in college, the inspiring and motivating thing, is that so many of them are actually following their dreams. Sure their are business majors and law students that are doing what their parents expect them to do, but there are a lot of people studying what they love. Attempting to start a career in something that makes them happy. I say good for them. And for the rest of the world, they set an example.



Hmm. That wasn't what I really wanted to talk about either. I continue to digress.



What I started to say before I jumped on my soapbox, was that I was really frustrated with my writing the other day. The same day I decided that I needed to focus on my novel and stop writing short stories. I don't like them, I am not good at writing them, they are harder for me to do....i can come up with a whole list of reasons why I don't like them, the point is I don't. Because I don't like them, and am in such foreign territory I find myself doing what the Romans do. I looked at what other people was writing and tried to write the same way. But I felt like I was losing my voice. I also felt like I was pimping myself out. Should I have to write in a manner which I don't like or a tone that isn't me just to make money. Should I really be writing for critics, for the people who judge my writing, when did I stop writing for me?



I realize now why most of the authors I admire don't read reviews. I realize why several actors don't pay any attention to critics. You can't please everyone, and if you try you just get lost. I was trying to please everyone. Trying to be something I am not. But my writing is so much better when I push all that aside and write from within. Write what I like to read. Write what comes naturally. I read C's story today. I was completely done with short stories and to be honest sometimes I don't like reading this persons works, because it is intimidating and daunting to try and find things to comment on and their style is simply not mine. But this story, had my eyes moist. I read their stories and I am enthralled by the power of a short story. I am motivated and inspired to keep trying to accomplish what comes (or appears to come) so naturally. But I was very impressed to say the least. I hope it gets sold because I can't wait to share it with all of you.



Ok that is all. This was way too long. But hey I gotta meet my word count quota for the week!