Selling out

So it seems like I write one of these a month. I am sorry about that. But I try not to write meaningless stuff. Things that I wouldn't be interested in reading. So I guess that means I just have less to talk about.

I find myself in an odd predicament. I need to do some articles for a bimonthly magazine...and I want to do them, I was incredibly excited about the opportunity to do them when it came to me in December. But then i started writing and nothing I could do was right. Now I am not about to say that I am the perfect writer. I write quick and dirty and fast, which means a lot of editing. I write about what I know; I practically have to be immersed in the subject before I can even begin writing...which is time consuming. And because I am a good writer, and I take my writing seriously, I understand and recognize the importance of revisions, critiques and outside feedback. But I need feedback. I'm not God here. I can't miraculously conjure a story or article that someone is envisioning in their head.

In this situation the articles that I have written aren't good enough. I know they are good. Not perfect, but good. Just as good as the other articles going into the magazine at least. But those articles don't get approved by the same person. So now I am stuck. Because I know that I need to write these articles, and some sick twisted part of me keeps coming back at it, stupid enough to believe that I will actually get it right.... so I keep trying. And Writing.

Today I was told it wasn't folksy enough. It needed to be more engaging, a call to action. Which is really a difference of philosophy. I am called to action by learning something new and intriguing about a program. Some behind the scenes look, some inspirational success story. Something that makes me go, "Wow look at what they did? Look at what they're doing. I want to support them because I get what they are doing. They do good things" Or something like that. Not some sales pitch, which is really what I am being asked to do. It jsut seems logical to me that if someone is doubting the effectiveness of these articles, (articles that have been written for more than 3 years and are not driving increased revenue or giving...) instead of doing away with it completely, wouldn't you want to change the approach first. It's like that anti bush commercial for the social security, where the plummer comes in to look at the kitchen sink, and in order to fix it they tear down the entire house. What sense is that?

Ok now I am just ranting and raving. The whole point was that I feel like I am selling out, because I know it isn't good writing, but I have to do it anyway. I almost don't want my name on it because I don't want to be associated with it. I don't want people to look at it and go, wow she's a pretty lame writer. Because it isn't really a true judge of what I can do. On the other hand it is nice to see my name in print. It's nice to see the article on glossy full color pages.

So I guess that is the eternal question, ever artist must ask. What is more important, the art, the craft, or the money. Am I selling out? Should I fight harder to get my way... Or will fighting only delay me in reaching my goal of getting a novel published.

Of course that assumes that I finish the novel, and instead of working on the chapter right now I am writing in this blog. Guess I know what I need to do tonight.