Little things

It may sound obvious, but a friend had to remind me of the power of the written word. I know. Hello. I'm a writer. How could I possibly be so stupid?

But as a writer I write about everything fiction, nonfiction, business writing, creative writing...and I desperately avoid journaling. I just don't keep a diary, or a journal. I don't write about my feelings, or what happened, or the way that I feel. I keep it all inside, I let it drip out like little threads to people I know in trust, different strands for different friends, but it never all gets out in the open. Not really. It's so easy to keep that wall up, and protect this image of a person that you have created even with the people closest to you.

I love my friends because they are all different. They all represent different sides of me. Some of them are nurturing, they are so compassionate that even I can't understand how they continue to give. And honestly, sometimes I wonder if I am worth it. Others are spiritual. They see the things that others don't see. They think on another level, beyond the mundane, about things that 98% of the world just can't grasp. I've got friends in low places, that are there when I think life just can't get any worse, and somehow they manage to lift my spirt. They are the friends you hang with in sweats of pjs. The friends who will stand outside with you in the middle of the parking lot in subzero weather while you have a complete breakdown. The same friends that will not bat an eye when you polish off a pint of ben and jerry's ice cream. And there are the ambitious and intelligent friends who challenge you to be more than you ever thought possible.

I have wonderful friends. And I love them dearly, but it occurs to me that as close as we are, no one gets the whole story. No one sees the whole picture. Part of that is my fault. Part of me doesn't want to show it all. Part of me doesn't need to show it all. But it was one of the wise and spiritual friends that reminded me that even if I don't show it all to a person, Ihave to have away to get it out. And journaling, if even to myself is one way to doing that. It is one step closer to letting go, forgiveness, moving on.

I know the kind of person that I want to be. I just hope that I have the strength and the patience to get there.