The funny thing about change is that you never realize it has happened to you until someone else points it out. Or in this case three or four people. That's about how long it takes for me to notice something. I could have gone from twiling in the middle of Madison Avenue in a pink tutu, to performing ronds de jambes in the Palace Theater, and still not comprehend the changes, sacrifices and successes that I have made. Oh sure, there's the obvious, but it's always the not so obvious stuff that's the most important.
So I have had interesting conversation with three interesting, albeit very different people and the dramatic conclussion is that I have changed. Although you may never get me to admit this again, I didn't know everything five years ago, and I have grown a lot since then. I will say that I don't know everything now, but I am much more comfortable admitting that fact. This alone is evidence of my growth.
Change is a funny thing, because it is human nature to resist change, to fear change, and yet who wants to be stagnant? Change may be scary but it is also what makes life so great. One of the many things that I have come to learn is that the greatest things are often the scariest, the ones that hurt the most to lose, the ones that cost the most to gain. If it was easy, it just wouldn't be as great somehow.
So I have changed, physically, mentally, creatively. I am writing in a genre that I would never have even picked up a book in five years ago. I am questioning a faith that I was born into, the only faith I have ever known. I have an inner strength and love that doesn't stem directly from the opinions of others. I know that a life isn't measured by how long you live, but how well you live it.
I'd say that's a pretty good position to be in. I know that it will only get better. It has too. because at least in few months I will be finished with a draft of this book!
