So it's been a while. I apologize. To make up for it I am dedicating this weeks entries to my friends. I hereby declare this Missy's Friends week. Hmm, or maybe that is the Missy Lynn Ryan Fan Club.
I missed a lot of entries because I spent most of last week with friends. Old friends and new friends, I spent my time reminiscing and creating new and exciting memories. I also had the opportunity to learn many things. My friends are constantly teaching me about stuff. Teaching me things about myself, and about the way that the world works. One of my discoveries was that each friendship is unique. Some friendships need more nurturing than others. Some come with a different set of expectations. Some have a hell of a lot more speed bumps than others. But they are all valuable. They all shape the person we are and the person we will become. I also was reminded of how much of an impact I have on my friends. I forget this a lot. I tend to think that my friendship is one way, that I am the one who is getting the better end of the deal. But it isn't that way. Just as I look at my friends and wonder why it is we have come together, or how someone of such amazing magnitude can become friends with little ol' me, they intern often do the same. More than once or twice I have been amazed at how attached we become to our closest friends. In some sense we hold them closer to us than family, because we chose to be near them, to become part of their lives. They are the people we turn to when our family lets us down, stresses us out, or just doesn't get it. Over the last five or six years I can think of three instances where I have felt betrayed by someone I thought of as a friend. And although those friendships were repaired and restored, the grieving process, the hurt, the feeling of being alone, it was no different than breaking up with a boyfriend, or losing a loved one. Yet I never see this portrayed in books and movies. I see groups of friends, who come together in the death or illness of someone, but I don't see people grieving over lost friendships. I have yet to find a story that emulates the experience I have had with my friends, the hurt and the betrayal and all that comes with it. So that is my next writing project, either that or the third one in line. I can't decide if I want to try my hand at straight fiction or work that storyline into an already established work I have. It will take me some more thought to figure that out.
Ok this got long and I am not sure if that last paragraph made any sense. But I am going to move on to actually writing because I would actually like to get something published this year!
The power of music never ceases to amaze me. I am sitting here in my room, because eventhough I have a laptop, it ironically is not mobile, and so if I wish to anything I am chained to this space like a dog on a leash. there can be no escape. Unless of course I am desperate enough to chew off my own leg...but that is from another story.
So music. It makes a huge difference in our lives, which is why I love it so much. I can hear a song from ten years ago, and still know all the words. Not only that but I can tell you where I was the last time I heard it. I can get flashbacks so vividly that it I swear it is the next best thing to a time machine. I don't get the same reaction to photographs. Yet for some reason when I read a story, or watch a movie, they usually use the old photograps to signal a flashback. Maybe because with music it usually is a surprise. I am flipping through the radio, I am at a bar with friends and suddenly a song comes on that I haven't thought of in years and I am immediately transported to that moment. Then there are other songs, songs that I have shared with other people. Like Bell Bottom Blues, Three Libras, and Untuchable Face. There are songs that I have associated with specia moments in my life, like The Prayer, All My Life, To where you are....anyway the point is music is so powerful and I was reminded of that when I sat down at my computer and turned on my cd player. It holds five disks and one of them happened to be a cd a friend burned for me. Not really the kind of music I go out of my way to hear, and yet I love it. It is so much fun and as it started playing my whole mood shifted. I don't know if it is because I started thinking about the person who gave it to me or if I really like the song, but I was reminded none the less.
Wow, that was a lot and I haven't even started on what I signed on to talk about!
I have a wg meeting today. I reviewed the pieces this morning at Carabu Coffee. I swear. There are days, when I feel like it is useless. I ask myself am I really getting anywhere. I have to force myself to sit at the computer and sometimes even getting one or two pages completed is a challenge. On those days I think,"What am I doing with my life?". It would be so much easier if I chose a different career path. And yes there are some things that I really enjoy and probably would be good at. But what I keep asking myself, and what I already know the answer to, is would I be happy?
NO. Not entirely. Writing is in my blood. As cliche as that is. It is a part of me, like breathing. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I think that I can turn away from it and still exist. Like a child trying to see how long they can hold their head underwater. You go the first ten or twenty counts just fine. But then something deep inside you begins to burn. Your body begins to resist your brain. Your muscles spasm and jerk and you litterally flail around in the water trying to fight what your body wants and needs to do.
In the Finding Your Own North Star book, and in What Should I Do with My Life? by Po Bronson, you read about people like this. Dozens of people who are holding their heads underwater, trying not to breath, fighting what is natural. I think the great thing about people is that we are so diverse. So different. And everyone is good at something. I believe there is something out there for everyone. Personally I would say, dentist, who the hell wants to be a dentist. But there are people who love that stuff live for it actually. And it is a good thing too.
So with this many opportunities, particularly in a country like the United States why do we have so many people settling to do things that they don't really want to do? The great thing about my friends in college, the inspiring and motivating thing, is that so many of them are actually following their dreams. Sure their are business majors and law students that are doing what their parents expect them to do, but there are a lot of people studying what they love. Attempting to start a career in something that makes them happy. I say good for them. And for the rest of the world, they set an example.
Hmm. That wasn't what I really wanted to talk about either. I continue to digress.
What I started to say before I jumped on my soapbox, was that I was really frustrated with my writing the other day. The same day I decided that I needed to focus on my novel and stop writing short stories. I don't like them, I am not good at writing them, they are harder for me to do....i can come up with a whole list of reasons why I don't like them, the point is I don't. Because I don't like them, and am in such foreign territory I find myself doing what the Romans do. I looked at what other people was writing and tried to write the same way. But I felt like I was losing my voice. I also felt like I was pimping myself out. Should I have to write in a manner which I don't like or a tone that isn't me just to make money. Should I really be writing for critics, for the people who judge my writing, when did I stop writing for me?
I realize now why most of the authors I admire don't read reviews. I realize why several actors don't pay any attention to critics. You can't please everyone, and if you try you just get lost. I was trying to please everyone. Trying to be something I am not. But my writing is so much better when I push all that aside and write from within. Write what I like to read. Write what comes naturally. I read C's story today. I was completely done with short stories and to be honest sometimes I don't like reading this persons works, because it is intimidating and daunting to try and find things to comment on and their style is simply not mine. But this story, had my eyes moist. I read their stories and I am enthralled by the power of a short story. I am motivated and inspired to keep trying to accomplish what comes (or appears to come) so naturally. But I was very impressed to say the least. I hope it gets sold because I can't wait to share it with all of you.
Ok that is all. This was way too long. But hey I gotta meet my word count quota for the week!
So music. It makes a huge difference in our lives, which is why I love it so much. I can hear a song from ten years ago, and still know all the words. Not only that but I can tell you where I was the last time I heard it. I can get flashbacks so vividly that it I swear it is the next best thing to a time machine. I don't get the same reaction to photographs. Yet for some reason when I read a story, or watch a movie, they usually use the old photograps to signal a flashback. Maybe because with music it usually is a surprise. I am flipping through the radio, I am at a bar with friends and suddenly a song comes on that I haven't thought of in years and I am immediately transported to that moment. Then there are other songs, songs that I have shared with other people. Like Bell Bottom Blues, Three Libras, and Untuchable Face. There are songs that I have associated with specia moments in my life, like The Prayer, All My Life, To where you are....anyway the point is music is so powerful and I was reminded of that when I sat down at my computer and turned on my cd player. It holds five disks and one of them happened to be a cd a friend burned for me. Not really the kind of music I go out of my way to hear, and yet I love it. It is so much fun and as it started playing my whole mood shifted. I don't know if it is because I started thinking about the person who gave it to me or if I really like the song, but I was reminded none the less.
Wow, that was a lot and I haven't even started on what I signed on to talk about!
I have a wg meeting today. I reviewed the pieces this morning at Carabu Coffee. I swear. There are days, when I feel like it is useless. I ask myself am I really getting anywhere. I have to force myself to sit at the computer and sometimes even getting one or two pages completed is a challenge. On those days I think,"What am I doing with my life?". It would be so much easier if I chose a different career path. And yes there are some things that I really enjoy and probably would be good at. But what I keep asking myself, and what I already know the answer to, is would I be happy?
NO. Not entirely. Writing is in my blood. As cliche as that is. It is a part of me, like breathing. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I think that I can turn away from it and still exist. Like a child trying to see how long they can hold their head underwater. You go the first ten or twenty counts just fine. But then something deep inside you begins to burn. Your body begins to resist your brain. Your muscles spasm and jerk and you litterally flail around in the water trying to fight what your body wants and needs to do.
In the Finding Your Own North Star book, and in What Should I Do with My Life? by Po Bronson, you read about people like this. Dozens of people who are holding their heads underwater, trying not to breath, fighting what is natural. I think the great thing about people is that we are so diverse. So different. And everyone is good at something. I believe there is something out there for everyone. Personally I would say, dentist, who the hell wants to be a dentist. But there are people who love that stuff live for it actually. And it is a good thing too.
So with this many opportunities, particularly in a country like the United States why do we have so many people settling to do things that they don't really want to do? The great thing about my friends in college, the inspiring and motivating thing, is that so many of them are actually following their dreams. Sure their are business majors and law students that are doing what their parents expect them to do, but there are a lot of people studying what they love. Attempting to start a career in something that makes them happy. I say good for them. And for the rest of the world, they set an example.
Hmm. That wasn't what I really wanted to talk about either. I continue to digress.
What I started to say before I jumped on my soapbox, was that I was really frustrated with my writing the other day. The same day I decided that I needed to focus on my novel and stop writing short stories. I don't like them, I am not good at writing them, they are harder for me to do....i can come up with a whole list of reasons why I don't like them, the point is I don't. Because I don't like them, and am in such foreign territory I find myself doing what the Romans do. I looked at what other people was writing and tried to write the same way. But I felt like I was losing my voice. I also felt like I was pimping myself out. Should I have to write in a manner which I don't like or a tone that isn't me just to make money. Should I really be writing for critics, for the people who judge my writing, when did I stop writing for me?
I realize now why most of the authors I admire don't read reviews. I realize why several actors don't pay any attention to critics. You can't please everyone, and if you try you just get lost. I was trying to please everyone. Trying to be something I am not. But my writing is so much better when I push all that aside and write from within. Write what I like to read. Write what comes naturally. I read C's story today. I was completely done with short stories and to be honest sometimes I don't like reading this persons works, because it is intimidating and daunting to try and find things to comment on and their style is simply not mine. But this story, had my eyes moist. I read their stories and I am enthralled by the power of a short story. I am motivated and inspired to keep trying to accomplish what comes (or appears to come) so naturally. But I was very impressed to say the least. I hope it gets sold because I can't wait to share it with all of you.
Ok that is all. This was way too long. But hey I gotta meet my word count quota for the week!
So it is six in the morning, I have been up for three hours, and I cannot figure out what my problem is. I can't sleep, obviously, but the more importantly I can't figure out why. So I have been through the channel line up eight times, and as of the moment it is a toss up between full house, and the wonder knife infomercial. And just between us, the infomerical is looking pretty good right about now.
The hour is about to change, so maybe it will bring with it new and better shows. I don't know. One can only hope...
Music Videos. I have finally discovered when MTV actually plays music videos.
Well as enlightning as this is, I am sure, I am going to say adeiu. My body may be awake and kicking but my brain just isn't there yet.
The hour is about to change, so maybe it will bring with it new and better shows. I don't know. One can only hope...
Music Videos. I have finally discovered when MTV actually plays music videos.
Well as enlightning as this is, I am sure, I am going to say adeiu. My body may be awake and kicking but my brain just isn't there yet.
So I haven’t written in a while, and I was doing so well too! But isn’t that how life goes. Just when you think everything is perfect, when you’re full of hope and joy something comes crashing down. Well nothing came crashing down, except my mood maybe. I was high all last week, obscenely high, I don’t think I have ever been that happy for that long of time and there are people who will vouch for me, but it was inevitable that I would begin to fade. Now I am just tired.
So writing wise…I got my rejection from F&SF. It was a happy moment. LOL. It is written on cute little letterhead, and very polite. I guess I was expecting a plain white sheet of paper with a rejected stamp across them middle and a fake signature. So I was pleased with what I got. I would have been more pleased if the story had sold. LOL. But I think it is better this way. Can you imagine selling your first story? The amount of pressure and expectation you would have the second time around. Honestly I know I have a lot to learn when it comes to my writing. In fact, sitting here typing this out makes me want to run home and start working on my novel, or revising a short story. I kind of would like to have enough stock stories that as soon as I get a rejection letter from one magazine I can ship out a new one. Jeez, 8 days, that is pretty damn fast. There are 911 operators who are less responsive than that.
So, so, so…. I am having trouble finding my voice, in regards to my writing. Well I know what my voice sounds like, I am having trouble finding other representations of it fiction. I have found a few novels that have the same tone and flow, (somewhere in the U.S. there’s an English Teacher who is poking her eyes out at these vague descriptive writing attributes) but I cannot find any short stories. Which is bad, because I don’t know where to submit my stories. I also don’t really like reading short stories. I never have, and though I can appreciate it, there is something about a novel that is more satisfying. The complexity, the turmoil, the inner lives of the characters. I like being pulled into that world, becoming the character with all their problems and living their experiences. For me I just don’t get that in short stories. Sure there is some good short fiction out there, but and if the story is put together well, it should be just as rich and complex as a novel. But I think I am going to maybe go back on my earlier decision to push through with short stories. I will continue writing them, but I think it is time I get my first three chapters out to the WG. (WG is my new name for the Writing Group). I am mentally working on a second novel, the one that may be more marketable than the first, but I decided that I need to focus on the first one. I need to complete it. I need to be able to say that I have completed it. I need to know that I can write a novel. I think it is better to practice and get one under my belt, before I start on this other one, which is much more complex, and requires a lot of back story.
Oh did I forget to mention that my adapter to my laptop broke, and since the battery needs replaced my computer will only stay on for about 20 minutes before shutting down? Do you know how much power cords cost? Yeah, not cheap. 60 bucks and I believe that is for a new one. I wonder if any kind of computer cord will do or if t has to be dell. I swear I have had nothing but problems for the last year with my computer. I can’t figure out what is wrong with it. All kinds of things, apparently but I have been told it might be my operating system. If I put a new operating system on the computer that might solve some of the problems. Unfortunately it won’t solve the power problem. AHHH! Ok. Oh did I forget to mention that my adapter to my laptop broke, and since the battery needs replaced my computer will only stay on for about 20 minutes before shutting down? Do you know how much power cords cost? Yeah, not cheap. 60 bucks and I believe that is for a new one. I wonder if any kind of computer cord will do or if t has to be dell. I swear I have had nothing but problems for the last year with my computer. I can’t figure out what is wrong with it. All kinds of things, apparently but I have been told it might be my operating system. If I put a new operating system on the computer that might solve some of the problems. Unfortunately it won’t solve the power problem. AHHH! Ok.
So writing wise…I got my rejection from F&SF. It was a happy moment. LOL. It is written on cute little letterhead, and very polite. I guess I was expecting a plain white sheet of paper with a rejected stamp across them middle and a fake signature. So I was pleased with what I got. I would have been more pleased if the story had sold. LOL. But I think it is better this way. Can you imagine selling your first story? The amount of pressure and expectation you would have the second time around. Honestly I know I have a lot to learn when it comes to my writing. In fact, sitting here typing this out makes me want to run home and start working on my novel, or revising a short story. I kind of would like to have enough stock stories that as soon as I get a rejection letter from one magazine I can ship out a new one. Jeez, 8 days, that is pretty damn fast. There are 911 operators who are less responsive than that.
So, so, so…. I am having trouble finding my voice, in regards to my writing. Well I know what my voice sounds like, I am having trouble finding other representations of it fiction. I have found a few novels that have the same tone and flow, (somewhere in the U.S. there’s an English Teacher who is poking her eyes out at these vague descriptive writing attributes) but I cannot find any short stories. Which is bad, because I don’t know where to submit my stories. I also don’t really like reading short stories. I never have, and though I can appreciate it, there is something about a novel that is more satisfying. The complexity, the turmoil, the inner lives of the characters. I like being pulled into that world, becoming the character with all their problems and living their experiences. For me I just don’t get that in short stories. Sure there is some good short fiction out there, but and if the story is put together well, it should be just as rich and complex as a novel. But I think I am going to maybe go back on my earlier decision to push through with short stories. I will continue writing them, but I think it is time I get my first three chapters out to the WG. (WG is my new name for the Writing Group). I am mentally working on a second novel, the one that may be more marketable than the first, but I decided that I need to focus on the first one. I need to complete it. I need to be able to say that I have completed it. I need to know that I can write a novel. I think it is better to practice and get one under my belt, before I start on this other one, which is much more complex, and requires a lot of back story.
Oh did I forget to mention that my adapter to my laptop broke, and since the battery needs replaced my computer will only stay on for about 20 minutes before shutting down? Do you know how much power cords cost? Yeah, not cheap. 60 bucks and I believe that is for a new one. I wonder if any kind of computer cord will do or if t has to be dell. I swear I have had nothing but problems for the last year with my computer. I can’t figure out what is wrong with it. All kinds of things, apparently but I have been told it might be my operating system. If I put a new operating system on the computer that might solve some of the problems. Unfortunately it won’t solve the power problem. AHHH! Ok. Oh did I forget to mention that my adapter to my laptop broke, and since the battery needs replaced my computer will only stay on for about 20 minutes before shutting down? Do you know how much power cords cost? Yeah, not cheap. 60 bucks and I believe that is for a new one. I wonder if any kind of computer cord will do or if t has to be dell. I swear I have had nothing but problems for the last year with my computer. I can’t figure out what is wrong with it. All kinds of things, apparently but I have been told it might be my operating system. If I put a new operating system on the computer that might solve some of the problems. Unfortunately it won’t solve the power problem. AHHH! Ok.
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